Ok, who or what perpetuated the myth that girls want to be serenaded by a guy with an acoustic guitar? Was it Disney? Fairytales? I honestly don’t know and maybe some girls do subscribe to the old “a guy with a guitar is sexy” adage but for the record… I don’t!! I’m sorry but this is not the movies and when a guy whips out his guitar in a confined space (i.e. bedroom, living room, apartment, anywhere that is not, I don’t know a stage) and starts playing you a Dave Matthews song shit just gets awkward real quick! When this happens I have never been like.. aww this is soo sweet! In fact, quite the opposite. The first time I encountered this super awkward situation (yes, there are multiple times this has happened to me.. apparently I look like I want to be serenaded?) was with my college boyfriend. He started playing and this is what ran through my head… did he make this song up? Is this an actual song? Should I know this song? What song is this? This is awkward. Should I bob my head? How do I look attentive? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Do girls actually like this? OMG how do I make him stop?!?! Then, the coup de grace… he starts singing. I almost die.
(Side Note: it makes me feel so awkward whenever anyone sings and REALLY tries to be a good singer, even if they are. For example, you know you have had that one friend who you will be in the car with and everyone is singing along to the radio but she is trying to belt the song out like she is Mariah Carey and this is an American Idol audition.. awkward.)
So maybe I’m hypersensitive to people who try to sing really well in casual situations but when the ex bf started belting out what I now know to be “Crash into me” by Dave Matthews I said a silent prayer that it was a short song and that maybe someone would break into his house that night and steal his guitar so I never had to be subjected to that awkwardness again. (Follow up: No one ever stole the guitar and I still cringe to this day when I hear Dave Matthews.)
Like most things in my dating life the acoustic serenade turned out to be a bit of a pattern. I went “un-serenaded” for about four years until I was faced with the situation again… same setting, same guitar, same damn Dave Matthews!
Dear serenading boys of the world: Please, please learn how to play (and sing!) a song that is not by Dave Matthews! Thank you.
Probably the greatest part of that serenading situation was that I should have known what I was getting into right from the jump. Before I even started dating this guy (he lived out of state) he EMAILED me a video of, what else, him playing the guitar. I kid you not. I still have it in my old emails and it will make me cringe to this day if I watch it. (I don’t watch it obviously but I keep all kinds of weird stuff in my email.. I’m an email hoarder. I also have an email from my last ex with a poem that he wrote me.. sounds sweet and it would have been if it wasn’t for the small detail that he was high on CRACK when he wrote it. That’s a story for another post but ya, come to find out he was a crackhead who evidently got inspired to write romantic poetry after hitting the crack pipe. Just when you thought you knew all of my crazy exes I drop that one on you!! Got to keep the readers guessing!)
Ok so I’m a little ADD and that was a bit of a tangent but the moral of the story is.. please do not play the guitar and/or sing to me. It makes me uncomfortable and I have to lie to you and tell you it sounds good and I like it and that makes me feel bad because if I’m letting you near me with a guitar and the possibility that a Dave Matthews song is going to come out of your mouth it probably means that I like you and I don’t want to lie to someone I like. Oh, and please do not try to date me if you smoke crack. That’s all. :)